Questions to ask before getting married, Part 1:
My guess is, based on statistics, many people marry and never discuss in depth issues that are critical to discuss if a marriage is to not only last, but for both people to be happy. I copied this list from somewhere on the internet. I’ve modified a lot of the questions to make them more direct. I have also rearranged order of some of the questions, as some seem like they should be asked before others. Even after asking and answering these questions for each other, it would probably be good to do it twice or three times. The idea of a marriage is enormous; some of these questions are very nuanced and situational. Might be good to read through this list throughout the marriage 😀
1. Selection – Why did you select each other as a prospective spouse?
2. Husband’s Responsibility – What is the role of the husband?
3. Wife’s Responsibilities – What is the role of the wife?
4. Marriage – Why even get married. Why not live together? What should the wedding look like; who will be involved in the planning.
5. Children – Yes, no, when, how many. Will gender influence any of these choices?
6. Raising the Children – What are each of your ideas about how the children, if any, should be raised
7. Baby Care/Domestic help – Do you support the idea of employing baby sitters/day care and/or maids for during the day?
8. Evening child care – Who will play/watch the kids between coming home from work and putting them to bed.
9. Money – Do you understand each other’s economic obligations and objectives? Do your ideologies and habits compatible about expenditures and savings? Do you know each other’s financial status? What is your long term plan regarding expenses and savings, individually and as a couple.
10. Domestic Chores – Have you discussed who will do what, when, and how?
11. Medical History – Have you completely divulged your medical histories, both physical and mental to each other? Any medical or mental health trends in the family tree?
12. Love – How, when, and where will you show love to each other. Do you expect that to change over time? This topic should probably be reviewed at least annually.
13. Intimacy – How, when, and where do you each expect to share physical intimacy.
14. Listen and Hear – Do you truthfully listen to each other and consider one another’s thoughts and feelings? What are some examples you can give each other.
15. Spirituality and Religion – Have you clearly understood each other’s spiritual ideas and requirements? Religion and spirituality are two different things. One can be spiritual but not religious and vice versa.
16. Old Peers – Do you know, like and respect each other’s friends? Before starting a new life, it is important that you inform your partner about our friends. Beginning new relationships always implies that we need to accommodate space for the old ones to.
17. In Laws’ – What relationship do you have with each other’s parents. What boundaries, if any, need to be set in regards to how you interact with the in-laws, or how they interact with you?
18. Family Issues – Is there anything anyone does in either of your families that annoys you. How can that be dealt with.
19. Egos – Is there something or two or more things about yourselves that you are not willing to change or compromise for the sake of the marriage.
20. Distance management – If one or the other of you gets a job opportunity in location far from where the family is settled, what would you do? This might involve a variety of scenarios to discuss.
21. Goals – Each of you list three things that you want to accomplish in the near future, 3-5 years.
22. Living arrangements – Is any friend or relative going to live with you at some point in your marriage. What would be some possible scenarios?
23. Leisure time – What are the things that you do in your free time?
24. Being Social – How will you socialize with friends and family, individually and as a couple?
25. Vacations – How do you spend your vacations, individually and as a couple?
26. Anger Management – How do you express anger?
27. Careers – Will you support each other’s career choices? What are your career goals?
28. Family funds – How will you manage your money as a couple or will you each maintain a separate account, in addition to your accounts as a couple.
29. Budget – Will you have a formal, in writing document that you both will follow?
30. Financial Roles – Will you use outside advice for your finances, will one person be responsible or will you work on your finances as a couple?
31. Past Memories – Come to an agreement about who needs to know what, or doesn’t need to know about past relationships
32. Previous Loves – Keep this as limited as possible. Both of you should be healthy enough mentally as individuals that this should not be a major discussion. If it is, not much sense in reading more questions 😀
33. Birth Control – Who uses what, and when?
34. Family Bonding – Close do you want a relationship with your spouse’s family? How close a relationship do they want with yours? How do you want the relationship to look between each of your families?
I will be stopping here readers. I will keep it done to 100 questions and get this done in 3 parts. Thanks 😀 See you tomorrow!