July 28th Tuesday Bettendorf, IA
We’ve had too many two meal days lately. I am sorry, fruit – PB & J – crackers – kool aid is not a meal. Not for what we are asking our bodies to do. I am stressing REAL BAD!! OMG WOW!!! 😀 Roxanne just came by and gave me a kiss 😀 I really like you too!!! 😀 She is good for my health
Leslie looked extremely stressed tonight. My first clue was all the tears.
Extremely tired today, but I felt great after working out. Steve W made a comment to me in the showers about all my space outs in the morning block yesterday. VK on the side of the road (smh) Leslie says she will write me later. Why are there all these bus seat problems? Pam sucks, she doesn’t mean too, she just does. Ellis agrees. Someone tore a hole in Luc’s jacket. Oh well, it’s tour; shit happens.
How cool! Leslie wrote me a really nice letter. She shouldn’t have dude problems. I forgot to fill my water jugs. My cooler is full though 😀 I so want to be alone right now. Very impossible on a bus. I am so tired so very tired. Haven’t been looking at my panda bear curtains enough. Stressed, ugh.
Ugh, on the side of the road again. Janelle has to pee. I am so glad Nancy is in my section. I am going to go crazy I swear!!!
July 29th Wednesday Columbus, OH
Talk about body slam. SCV, Phantom, Spirit, Blue Coats, VK. GE Brass 2nd to last out of 8. I wonder what staff is going to tell us tomorrow. Some people are really down, but a lot of people are not really shaking up by this, cool. I want them to start my bus so they can turn on the AC. Kenny doesn’t like the Midwest. They want to load the buses and leave. That would F with my hang time. I’m from Southern California, I hang out and look good!
July 30th Thursday Erie, PA
Heard a little Van Halen today, YES!! No bullshit today. Leslie says she’s doing better, good for her.
Got really pissed on the field today, just a combination of things I will never have that feeling again; almost out of control anger. Ellis is a black man in a white man’s world. I have been having some awesome dreams. I hope that is a good sign 😀
Why can’t this be love? Jerry is really pissing me off. Is he my part-time friend or am I his part-time friend? What the hell am I talking about? My lips are really hurting again. We have been playing full out every block. If it keeps feeling this way I will just play very softly. If Ellis
I see inspiration. Ah bullshit, why, who cares? I do! Shit! Wtf, Debbie has chocolate and she’s not sharing. Maybe I didn’t share last time I had chocolate, I don’t even remember when that was. Janelle has decided she needs to change right now. Okay, I can deal with that. Nancy says hi. Jerry and Maylee are arguing again, well it’s consistent. Robert apologized for pissing me off earlier. He said he felt like he shot his mom when he saw me react. I hope I never have that feeling again. We are too good to be stupid during rehearsal. I am getting chills. Love come walking in. That’s cool. Too bad Love leaves so fast. What is Love? So this is Love! Too fast for Love!! 😀
Kenny says he wants me to hold on to his journal until banquet. We have established quite a relationship. What does that mean? Everyday day is a new day, a new beginning. Jerry says he want to work out with me again starting tomorrow. I don’t know what to say, I just nodded and went, hmmm mmm. It’s not about the work out it’s about every else between us. I think we are friends but sometimes I don’t know. We have talked a lot about it in the past, but those are just words. Show me. Sometimes I know I am a dick because I think I am pretty special. If I don’t get that feeling from another person I won’t hang with them. I wonder what’s for dinner tonight. I can hear Leslie and Debbie talking, dudes and stuff. Home sweet home is so far away right now. Girls and their stuffed animals, WHAT?! I wonder when we are going to wash again, not that I am out of clean clothes. We’ve had a lot of shows and my uniform reeks. Frannie just dropped off a letter, how cool 😀
Malcolm just came by. He’s confused. She’s confused. There’s a lot of that going around. OMG my lips feel way bad, no bullshit. I wonder what time light will go out. It’s 12:20am right now and we aren’t even back home (haha, home, whatever school we were staying at) Don G came by to check on me, says he was concerned. Ha, funny, many people have said the same thing the past few days. They have been giving me a little too much space, well, outside the bus anyway 😀 I am cold, I have ducky bumps 😀 Debbie says we should do sock ads together. That’s pretty bold of her wanting to line her legs up alongside mine. Me and Nancy should do sock ads 😀 Adam just came back here. WAIT why is he here if he’s not going to talk to Janelle? (smh) 16. Oh thinking about what interesting things will happen after finals. Random spit swapping. I see Frank. He’s young, good looking, talented. I hate that asshole 😀 I am way way way tired. Nancy just asked me what I was thinking about, I said her. She asked if that was a good thing or a bad thing, I said I don’t know, because I don’t. I am not a fun guy anymore; I haven’t been for a while. It’s all the crap I do. Life has been good to me. I have maximize myself as an individual. Kenny says he’s very concerned about me. Maybe he really does care. That’s probably why he just lied for me (?) Staff gave us tapes to listen too. We had a great show. Judges are orgasming all over these tapes, and they say we can still get better. We have to keep kicking it out.
I am not as a good a friend as I used to be. What happened? Why do I insist on being so difficult? Is it Jerry? Is it me? What can I say? What can I tell when I know I am wrong? I know I am. Lots of people like Jerry. He’s more fun. Kenny too. Maybe I am just jealous.
July 31st Friday Somewhere in NY
I feel like a bag of shit. Good thing I look like a bag of chocolate! (what does that mean?) Icing my lips. Jerry and I worked out this morning. Last “full” day of rehearsal until Madison (WI) Leslie seemed happy this morning. That’s all that matters. Are you happy? 😀
I feel soooooooooo much better. Had some real food, and lots of Gatorade. I think that is a big part of what has been bothering me, not enough nutrition. Rehearsal was very intense. Mid-horns and sops have some crazy drill. Lips feel better, but I am going to continue to ice them between blocks. Brian says he was getting dizzy the other day. I told him I was too. Wonder where they are going to arc us up.
Debbie stressed on Pam again, not following bus seat rules. Fluorescent quail bait. Little Chinese people who pose for statues (that was actually random mutters of someone walking by me) 😀
Packed another 12 pack in my cooler (soda?) 😀
Page 40!!!!! 10 more and it’s finals week!!!! Actually goes until August 14th
Thank you readers!!!!