There are moments, when I’ve squirreled myself away to my proverbial cave, that my thoughts in regards to humanity at its present status are far from positive. On ocassion I will perserverate on these thoughts and acknowledge the hate, corruption, and wickedness that thrives in and around the world that I perceive, understanding that others, through their own reason and logic, are motivated to willfully inflict incalculable amounts of pain and suffering on creation, because they can, and do it again and again
Those that are and have been close to me would describe me as complicated; I think they would say that I am someone that usually sees the brighter side of life, but that my sense of humor, in particular, can be morbid and violent. I have dwelled in the shadow of death on more than one ocassion in my lifetime and I fear no evil. Even though I openly entertain and embrace thoughts of the most horrible and unfortunate of realities that exist in this world, I do not accept that these realities should be a part of anyone’s world.
I would never describe myself as a negative kind of person. Will I indulge myself in dark, cynical, ironic, sarcastic, wry, snarky, and sardonic thoughts and humor, YES, but be a negative person?, NO 😀 I keep it real
As a child, I was full of love and life and I exhibited my serenity with the world throughout my childhood; it was a very happy, content, and simple time for me. Joyful is how I would describe it, even though I knew everything wasn’t perfect. All things considered, however, there was really nothing to complain about (although, Lord knows at the time I did complain here and there)
Through high school, as life got more complicated, I think most people I interacted with and socialized with would have described as being a kind and nice person. That was and is my public persona, not that I am not a kind and nice person, but that is just one aspect of me and that continues to be one faucet of my personality. At the onset of adolescence, I thoughtfully and deliberately became more selective about quantity and depth of my social interactions. Not because of any feelings or perceptions I had of not fitting in; if anything, I felt and have always felt an ability to find some comfort level around all kinds of people, personalities, and social situations. But I have always felt like, and I am an observer, of people in general and of society and culture in particular.
Periodically the question is asked of me how am I able to express, share, demonstrate the degree of thoughtfulness, consideration, compassion, kindness that I do. My response more often then not is usually over simplistic. Sometimes I go into a short stock answer.
I’ve been having this monologue with myself for three days now, and I could probably continue for another three days. I’m not titling this on purpose, giving you readers a chance to think of a good title yourself 🙂