First Date: Part 2, the Breakup

Part 1

It was foreseeable and unforeseeable moment.

But, before that…

We started going out once a week for a few weeks. Then it was 2, 3 times a week, plus lots of time on the phone ย ๐Ÿ™‚

Before I was really aware, it became a 24/7 kind of relationship by mid-December. If we weren’t together, we were talking on the phone. More often than not, we were together. She started doing something too that I didn’t learn until later has an actual name.


Sometimes I left for work from her apartment, sometimes I left my house in the morning with her still in bed. When I would come home, I started finding stuff of hers left behind, and it grew. I started making space for her in bathroom and in the drawers and closets.

After Valentine’s Day we made the decision that she would move in.

Again, not one to think much about my relationships, although I was now clearly in a very serious one, I continued on with myself. When I wasn’t at work, I was hers ๐Ÿ™‚ accommodating and available. I did do other things like church on Sunday then family time, and spend time for a few hours on Saturday’s with the guys, watchings games and stuff, but other than that, I was hers.

Relative to all things considered, she was low maintenance in everything but time. I know, right ๐Ÿ˜€ We went out three or four times a week, but she liked low-budget hole in the wall places mostly. Once a week or so, we’d get dressy and go somewhere swanky, but that was more in the beginning. By the end, she preferred my cooking or even just frozen food! Although fresh strawberries, whipped cream, and wine also ended more and more evenings.

I am leaving out important or unimportant details. Our age difference (12 years), our ethnic difference (she’s Chinese), and all that goes with that and the moments and situations where those facts were high points in given moments. But for me it really just came down to the time and space I was giving up to be with her.


It was a Saturday, late June. I wanted to make her a special breakfast. It was early, just after 6AM. I went to the refrigerator, surveyed, and determined I needed to make a quick run to the store. Hoping to sneak out and be back before she awoke, I got dressed and headed towards the door. As I was making my way through the door, she called out in a sleepy voice…

“Where are you going?” (Fair question)
“To the store.”
“Which one?” (Fair question, 3 grocery stores were about the same difference apart)
“Ralph’s, do you need anything?”
“No. What are you going to the store for?”…

(Semi-fair question, but she’s still in bed and this is turning into a conversation, and I’m still standing by the door. My plans for a quick get away are falling in flames)

“I’m not sure; breakfast stuff.”
“Don’t we have eggs and stuff in the ‘frig?” (True, but I wanted to make something special)
“Yeah, but I want to pick up a few others things.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know yet. I’ll know it when I see it”
“How long are you going to be gone?”
“I don’t know; I plan on being quick” (She’s still in bed. I’m still at the door.)

“How can you be quick if you don’t know what your shopping for?”
“I… (didn’t want to answer any more questions)

I got bags and started putting all her stuff in the bathroom into the bags. When I had a couple of bags filled, I went out to her car and put them inside. After clearing the bathroom of her stuff, 3 more bags. I started pulling her clothes out of the drawers and packing them in her luggage, neatly, calmly.

She was out of bed by now, standing in the hall, watching me go back and forth. She kept saying over and over, “What are you doing? Why are you doing that?”

This had obviously been building inside me, but at the time I was completely unaware of how I really felt, prior to this moment. I started something and at this point, I was ending it. I never answered her; I barely made eye contact. It was quite obvious what I was doing. As far as why, well, figure it out.

When no more of her belongs would fit into her car, I packed a bag for myself. I needed to leave too, but not knowing where or for how long, figured I should be prepared. Foolishly, I walked out the door.

I say foolishly because I could have returned to a pile of ash or at the very least, quite a mess. Neither. Except for the smell of her perfume in the air, there was no visible site of her presence in the house.

We had some really great times together, I had lost myself and decided that morning I was taking me back. She needed more time and patience from me than I was willing to give anymore.

She called me the next week, we had a good conversation. We started seeing each other again for about a year much more casually, then we just drifted apart.

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