What to tell someone who asks for your number…

and you don’t want to give it to them:

  1. Tell them you can only write your number inside an upside down pentagram.
  2. You’ll give them your number, only if they want to meet up; but it can’t be within 100ft from a restaurant. That would violate your parole-probation.
  3. Ask them for their number instead, and carve it into your forearm with a hunting knife.
  4. Write each of your digits with a different crayon, while doing so, randomly select one crayon and eat it, WITH GUSTO *uber enthusiasm!*
  5. Look both ways, surreptitiously, and whisper “G12 and the sparrow is sitting on the fence.” wink, and walk away.


1.) Β Devil worship or witchcraft and other dark references are usually deal breakers. The key is to be prepared ahead of time and sell it. Rehearse your response so it comes out naturally. Have a few supporting lines also to assist the phone number asker you are serious. If they insist on your number still, tell them before you do, they have to cut a lock of their hair, burn it, and mix those ashes with a few drops of their blood. Then they have to trace the outline of the pentagram with that mixture. If the don’t have enough, they need to make more. Draw a LARGE pentagram. πŸ˜ƒ


2.) Some people are drawn to the crazy-dangerous. Let’s hope whoever is asking for your number is not one of them. Again the key is to practice delivering this line and having additional information to add believability to what you are saying. The reason for your parole-probation is that they were only able to gather enough evidence of those you assaulted from nearby restaurant security cameras. DAMN CAMERAS! *then glance around suspiciously*


3.) DO NOT CARVE INTO YOUR SKIN. Have a small pool of red ink in the knife’s sheath. The presence of the knife should dissuade the asker but if not, stab them 😜 j/k


4.) Everyone should carry a box of crayons. They are generally a waxy non-toxic marking implement. A few digested crayons in a lifetime should do you no harm. For good measure, as you are chewing, tell the other crayons they are next if they don’t behave.


5.) In event that you can’t walk away, simply continue talking in code. There’s no worry at this point about any sense to what you say, other than: best to keep it grammatically correct, non-sequitur, and as far removed from the environmental reality as possible. Repeat each line several times, slower each time. Maybe even lean in a little towards their collar and stare, as if looking for a microphone.


So, in short, act a little crazy 😝 The keys to success in pulling off any line you decide to use is preparation and commitment! Your ability to ad lib will increase in relation to your focus on delivering your lines. Pay as little attention to the number asker as possible, while maintaining full engagement to your task of overwhelming them with your crazy! πŸ˜ƒ

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