What complicates our personal interactions are the expectations we have on the outcomes. I do understand , from many points of view, it is more than reasonable to have a given expectation for a particular social exchange…
but that’s not where the magic happens!
Whether you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or whether you’re looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, there are some conversation basics that should always be followed if you want good, open communication: A) be the giver, B) be the listener, C) show an interest in anything and everything the other person is saying.
Umm, okay. Sure Ray, but…
A) what the hell does be the giver mean?
B) I got stuff to say. When do I talk?
C) honestly, I’m not intersted in stuff I don’t know about, or, I just want to get to my point, etc.
Being a conversational giver is easy or difficult, depending on you personality and general experience, but there are basics here too.
1) Initiate. Make eye contact, acknowledge. Smile, say hi, hello. Use simple openings, after the initial initiation, like: “How are you?””How’s it going?””How’s your day?” Be mindful that any and all types of responses may come your way, including negative responses. This may or may not have anything to do with you. Either way, at least its communication!
Now its time to listen…
2) Shut up and Listen. Plenty of time for you to blather about what ever you want to talk about later. Listening builds trust. Trust is built and earned through being a good listener. SHUT UP AND LISTEN. This is a potentially a tricky point. There are times when someone you’re trying to talk to really doesn’t want to talk; but sometimes they do, but maybe you’re not the one they feel comfortable talking with at that moment. Its all about nonverbal nuance. Reading nonverbals is part art and part science. Remember if you’re trying to start a conversation, silence is okay. After initiating, be patient, let the moment dictate how things proceed. Be there to listen AND SHUT UP.
Now try to create a moment…
3) Hopefully, positive or negative, the response to your initiation results in some kind of verbage you can respond to. Remember to not focus completely on what they are saying, but also how they are saying it. You’re interested in the other person. Show interest in them. You’d be surprised how interesting some things you previously had no interest in can be when you are interested in the person talking about it. Good communication, good relationships don’t follow schedules or timelines. Always understand you need to show respect and appreciation for the other person’s likes and dislikes, if you want them to show respect and appreciation for your likes and dislikes. You’ll get your chance to talk about what you want to talk about when the moment is right, but you have to help create that moment too.
So! Things to talk about with your boyfriend or girlfriends depends on several things first:
Initiate a conversation with eye contact, a smile, and some kind of warm greeting that acknowledges them beyond that moment
Listen or more accurately, SHUT UP AND LISTEN. Resist the temptation to think you need to speak for there to be good conversation. Moments of silence let the person you’re with time to gather their thoughts and that will result in a better conversation.
Enjoy the Moment you’re with the person you want to be with. Sometimes we fail to appreciate that when we talk, we just mess things up. Ironic, yes. Conversation and communication are about more than words. We speak more with our eyes and other nonverbals.
SHUT UP AND LISTEN