2017 100 Questions to ask your Girlfriend or Boyfriend

…or spouse, or roommate, or friends!


What to talk about on a date? It depends on what you want out of the date. Is it for fun or maybe, hopefully, something more. The first few dates should be fun and light conversion topics. If the other person brings up a serious topic, show interest, but maybe not dwell on it. Moderate the conversation to another topic a couple of clicks less serious or personal. If there is potential for more dates, at the end, tell them you had a great time and look forward to continuing the conversation.

In pursuit of a more serious relationship, there are certain topics you should definitely cover. It will depend on you, and on your preparation with appropriate topics, and what you think the other person is ready to respond to. You may consider making a mental list of questions to ask. DO NOT HAVE A PHYSICAL LIST AT READ FROM AND NEVER MAKE THEM ANSWER A QUESTION IF THEY DON’T WANT TO.

I have put together a list and I think EVERYONE should read it and answer these questions for yourself. Give your life a little more clarity. Also, you can turn these questions into topics for conversation. The key to being a good conversationalist is to be prepared!

Fathers, definitely have any guy wanting to date your daughter answer these questions, in writing, signed and dated! πŸ˜€

The questions are not in any particular order. Different thoughts I had as I was making this list.

Please, if you like this blog, leave a comment. I am always looking for feedback and suggestions for blog topics. πŸ˜€

1. Where do you see yourself in life in 5 years, 10 years?
2. Have you had an experience you would say has impacted the direction of your life?
3. Have you had to make an important decision that affected the direction of your life?
4. Are there people you don’t like? Are there people that don’t like you?
5. What are romantic ideas to you?
6. What has been an embarrassing moment for you?
7. Are you ever bored?
8. What leisure activities do you enjoy?
9. Do you mind if a talk about an Ex?
10. What is your idea emotional intimacy?
11. What do you think of this expression: Where there was fire, ashes remain.
12. Do you have or are you planning long term financial goals?
13. What would a book about your life be called?
14. Do you have a favorite book/author/genre of literature?
15. Describe yourself in 3 words.
16. What do you consider 3 personal weaknesses.
17. How would you describe a hero, do you have one?
18. What are the most important things in life?
19. What questions would you like me to answer?
20. What are your bad/good habits?
21. What is your philosophical approach to the world? Liberal/conservative, spiritual/atheist
22. What kind of first impression do you make?
23. What would make life perfect?
24. Best ways to maintain sexual health. Go!
25. What’s been your most intimate experience? What it emotional as well as physically intimate?
26. Can you have emotional intimacy without physical intimacy?
27. Do you still have feelings for an ex?
28. How long did your most intimate relationship last?
29. Do you regret any intimate experiences?
30. Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched in public, and you turn, and someone is staring at you?
31. What was your most conflicted emotional moment?
32. Do you usually follow your heart or your head?
33. What is your opinion about same gender relationships?
34. Do you think your past relationships matter in a current relationship?
35. How would you react if I told I have had a relationship with a partner of the same gender?
36. Do you believe in any god or gods? Why? Are you spiritual?
37. Do you follow current politics?
38. Do you have any hobbies?
39. Have you ever experimented with legal/illegal drugs?
40. What do you think are the keys to good parenting?
41. Do you like pets? Do you like pets in the house?
42. What is the weirdest thing about you to most people?
43. Tell me something about your first kiss.
44. If your parents don’t like me for some reason, is that a deal breaker?
45. Have you ever had a one night stand? If you did, do you regret it?
46. Do you believe in soul mates?
47. Do you have a criminal record that’s relevant to a relationship?
48. What is your dream job?
49. Are you willing to live away from your family in another state if you ever have to for a job?
50. Which living celebrity/author/singer would you like to have a drink with?
51. If you could meet a famous dead person, whom would you like to meet?
52. What do you think about unfaithfulness in a relationship?
53. Do you think love at first sight is possible?
54. If your job started negatively impacting our relationship, what would you do?
55. Who is your favorite cartoon character and why?
56. Do you prefer reading books or watching movies?
57. Do you have any regrets in life?
58. What is your ideal vacation?
59. Do you have a favorite movie?
60. Besides eating, breathing, and sex, if you are allowed to do just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
61. What are some things about you that you take pride in?
62. What is the most courageous thing you have ever done in your life?
63. What is your earliest memory?
64. What do you like most about you?
65. Will you be OK with me hanging out with you and your friends?
66. If you could change something about your life, what would it be?
67. Have you ever taken dancing classes? Do you like to dance?
68. Do you think it is important to learn any form of a performing art?
69. What are you looking for in a relationship? In the long term or short term?
70. If you have three wishes, what do would you wish for?
71. What songs or artist make you happy?
72. If you could have a superpower, what would be your superpower?
73. Who has been the most influential person in your life?
74. Is there a movie that makes you cry no matter how many times you watch it?
75. If you could change one thing about yourself physically, what would it be?
76. What is the best advice you ever received?
77. What kind of music or genres of music do you like?
78. Why did your last relationship end?
79. Are you still friends with that person?
80. What was a good moment in that relationship?
81. What are the craziest things that you’ve done with someone?
82. What will you have accomplished one year from now?
83. Ideal road trip. Where, who, how long?
84. What is the best part about being in a family?
85. What is a favorite family memory?
86. Tell me 3 good things about me.
87. What are your expectations of me in our relationship?
88. Did you ever want to kill someone?
89. Have you ever wanted something really bad and then later, not so much?
90. Is there anything I could do to make you think I am a bad person?
91. What would you do without electricity for 3 days?
92. Do you like to go shopping? Bum shopping, not buying, just looking?
93. After I had asked you out for the first time, was there any part of you that wanted to say no?
94. Where are some places you like to go on dates that might be different from where you usually go out?
95. What are your views on open relationships? Do you know what an open relationship is?
96. Have you ever thought of adopting a child?
97. Is money more important to you or are relationships you share with people more important?
98. What is it that you are passionate about?
99. Do you believe long distance relationships can work?
100. What are your thoughts when you see older, AARP types, out on dates?

Now that I have your attention πŸ˜€ I’d like to encourage you to read other posts in my blog. Type a word into the search box and see if I’ve posted anything related πŸ™‚ or make a topic suggestion in the comments! In my blog you’ll find all kinds of different stories.

Happy Reading πŸ˜€

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What to do with a Girlfriend

We had an after hours staff meeting. About two hours into the meeting, everything important had been discussed and the meeting became a hang. One of the guys asked if it was okay for him to go, because he’d left his girlfriend in the car.


Side note: They married a couple of years later, and I believe they are married now.

A friend of mine went to see his gf one night. She was living at her parent’s home at the time. The parents were supposed to be out until a certain time, but they came home much earlier.

Friend and gf were on the couch under blankets. When he told me what had happened, I told him he had to marry her now.

He did, and they still are.

There was a time, I had a gf and because of her particular circumstances, I was considering a move to Europe. I didn’t, and she moved to Canada.

I’ve considered getting involved with a church again, not necessarily to find a gf, but it would certainly increase the chances. Thought of asking my cousins for help, not with a gf, but in picking a church.

BF, as side order, and side order is the nice way to say it, has about as many pluses as minuses, any way you look at it. The only real problem with that,  never think you’re the steak when you’re the baked potato. Personally, I’d rather be a slice of key lime pie.

Met a new person, again, recently. She has a bf, but she’s not sure if he’s top of the cake material, but he’s working out OK so far. He’s going to need to be very patient with her, if he wants to stick around long term. I’ve not told him, and don’t intend to.

I was reading recently a letter to an advice column about a woman who has been, and still is, with the most wonderful man. She was feeling guilty that inspite of all of her man’s wonderfulness, she still craved and sought out her own private, alone time.

I never pretend to know it all, or know anything for that matter. I can tell you what I think, but that doesn’t mean I actually know.

As far as “guilty, with wonderful man,” I think in all healthy relationships, the two people should have some time apart from each other. How much time apart and what each does while apart will probably change over time, but it just seems to make sense that if two people are going to form and maintain a healthy relationship, they have to be mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy individuals. That requires a little individual maintenance. 

Best practice: communication.

But that’s a dangerous thing too.




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Vision: The Future

The future is now.

Whose vision?

My vision? Your vision? …
Our vision.
Its not sbout me. Its not about you. Its about us.

If you exist in a given world, and must be compliant to certain rules, standards, and norms, you gotta do watcha gotta do. Outside of that, explore, create, redefine! 

Find out to what degree of flexibility you have, within that given world, and max out the most original, most unique, and most fabulous flavo-licious gig that you can. And then make it better. Everyday.

Like that old Stevie Wonder song, I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. Love what you do. Enjoy what you do, and do it well, but make it better tomorrow.


Its a challenge, no doubt. Challenge is part of the process. Challenge yourself, challenge each other, and accept that your understanding of what the challenge is and where it really needs to be are two different places.

Our vision
Collective vision

Know and agree about what we see. Know and agree about what we understand. Know and agree there are some things we can’t see now, but some where in the future we will see it and understand it, together. Most importantly, know and agree there maybe be some things that we can’t see or understand now, but commit and dedicate to pursue the journey, and accept the process that will help others to follow, that they may reach beyond our own abilities and dreams


Whatever inspires; Whatever motivates, and does it in a positive and team building spirit, embrace it, share it.


Lead, or follow, but don’t stand on the sideline.


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Band Director

A most excellent very long time ago, I was told by a teacher educator about 4 teacher types. This morning, for shits and giggles I googled “4 teachers types.” The results were a huge variety of articles about teacher types from education, career, business, and several other kinds of sites, and most had many more types than the four I was hoping to see. Some even had as many as 30 different teacher types!

The reason for my search is I’m planning and preparing to be speaking with many, many band directors in the near future. My basic premise is that band directors are essentially teachers.

Believing in the importance of considering your audience’s perspective and point of view before speaking, I thought it wise to do some research. I always seek to understand what motivates and inspires others.

What does motivate and inspire someone to want to be a teacher? Even though I wasn’t able to find the 4 types of teachers I was originally hoping to find in my search, my memory recalls them as:
– The Sage on the Stage
Leads others, passionately, in the educational journey.
– The Content Lover
Wants others to feel as deeply about the subject matter as they do.
– The Schedule Lover
Likes the routine of school. Start times, end times, bells. Pre-determined timelines.
– The Bureaucrat
Likes being a cog in a larger organization, having  an “office,” paperwork, reports, etc.

TBH, as I was writing this, I believe band directors, the better ones anyway, and like good teachers in general, have each of these qualities in varying degrees. TBH, I also believe that band directors are a special kind of crazy. The good kind of crazy.

My plan, in setting up meetings with band directors, is to deliver personal letters to each director, at their school’s main office. I have certain schools in mind, but I will certainly follow through on other schools suggested to me. I had originally thought of sending emails, but I thought that was too impersonal to achieve what I expect to achieve.  Also, I am hoping a personal touch will elict more positive response to my offer.

I have more plans, tailored to individual and specific situations. My plans are for situations that can be anticipated and I have plans for unanticipated situations.

You can never be over prepared, but you most certainly can be under prepared. 

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Fall 2017

That time of year again. Back to school. Football Friday Nights. Saturday Band Tournaments, etc.

Thoughts of Monrovia are never far πŸ’›

Thankful for good health. I’ve not felt this well, overall, physically-mentally-emotionally, in forever. My health has never impeded my abilities and drive. When I’m determined to complete a task, I get it done! However, it’s nice to not rely on ER and other medical professionals. Plus, much nicer when friends and family don’t have to worry about you πŸ˜› 

Went shopping earlier and was thinking about a friend I saw a few times this past spring. I was thinking, also, that if maybe I have the chance to see her in the next few weeks, I should bring her a little something, a small gift. Got a few ideas. I love her, like a kite loves wind.

Just made that one up, like a kite loves wind πŸ˜€ I love everyone, like a fat kid loves candy. I know all fat kids don’t like candy; I’m not talking about them πŸ˜› Seriously, I love everyone; treat everyone with trust and respect. If I don’t,  there’s a reason. 

Some important days coming up this month, like every month. Every month has important days, but this month has a few slightly more important days than others. A very, very large number of people, known and unknown, might be affected for long, long time into the foreseeable future. Or not πŸ˜› Starting to make more plans for the future than usual, but since so much is still in the air, not much to say. However, I am writing and sharing a lot more about my ideas than in the recent past.

Thinking about the important people in my life. I do that every day. Not people that have done something for me, per se, but people who made emotional impacts on me, and who motivate and inspire me by the example they set, as joyful and thoughtful humans.

I am always thinking about others, those that I know, and those that I’ve never met. Its what I do. Blessed are the vague, for they shall inherit stuff πŸ˜€

Met a young lady the other day. Had great conversation. Interesting that she described herself as not being a people person, yet she had great conversation skills, and was aware how those skills are helpful to her, but she really preferred to not be around people. I can totally relate, but I didn’t tell her. We agreed to bump into one another again soon, to continue the conversation. 

Had a conversation recently with an aquintance. He made a comment about the weather and mentioned a few places he’s lived since moving to the U.S. from South America. We compared notes. Its cool to have even a limited perspective on life outside of SoCal and the west coast. I know traveling like a musician doesn’t qualify as “traveling” to some. Getting around, seeing stuff, doing stuff, time zones; I’ll count that as traveling…

A teacher once said I was the master of the understatement. Have no idea what she was talking about

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When They Know You Care β€

As my mind wandered through an open gate this morning, thoughts traveled to Kuna, Idaho in the summer of 2013. Me, tears streaming down my face for what felt like an eternity. Standing, surrounded by young humans in concentric circles with me in the middle. Silence. Long, almost unbearable silence. Tears. Mine, theirs, ours. Turning and looking at each and everyone of them, looking into their eyes. Trying to gather myself and share some words. The right words, but words seemed so pointless in that moment. We all felt it. We didn’t know what it was, but we all felt it. Finally, the silence was broken by one young human…

“Was it that bad?” 😞


I had spent the entire pre show warm-up with the guard. As the corps approached the stadium, the guard gathered their equipment and proceeded to the gate. When the time came, the DM lead them to field. After going through the gate with them, I went to do my usual inspection of field conditions. Immediately, upon stepping onto the grass, an overwhelming sense of fear, dread, and palpable panic came over me. The grass, at its shortest, was ankle deep! 😨

O.M.G. 😱
They. Are. F*****

I went into the stands, almost absent of my senses. My only thought was not the concern IF they would have a bad show, but HOW BAD it would be.

At the start of the day, at least half of them were more than 20 minutes late to the morning warm-up stretch. They all slept walked through breakfast AND the show day block before arriving at the venue.

It was the third day of tour. The third day of tour is always a hot stinky pile, but this one was especially extra poopy. I was disappointed, terribly disappointed. I felt, at that point, I’d failed to prepare them properly. I asked them, all of them, to tell me if I was not helping them. If they didn’t feel like I was helping them, I’ll go home. Either way, they needed to get their **** together, pull their heads out, and make that day mean something.

That was in the morning. Spent the rest of the day with guard, didn’t want see or talk to anyone else, besides guard, until show time that night. I was in my own “figure it out” mode.

That night, that show, that performance was AMAZINGLY EMOTIONALLY POWERFUL. From a technical standpoint, the performance sucked hairy sweaty man ass. But, it was a show! Their feet and legs fought through that cow pasture and they poured every drop of energy and sweat they had into entertaining that audience, filling the stadium with electricity of their performance. 

…and beauty of that moment, the beauty of their effort, brought me to spontaneous tears

I thought it was just me, feeling the feels from the field. But it filled up the whole stadium, and it kept getting stronger and stronger. At the end of the performance, random strangers were shaking my hand and slapping my back in congratulations, saying it was the best performance they’d seen in years.

No it wasn’t, but I knew what they meantπŸ˜‰

I know part of the emotion that night was a result of all of us fighting out of the **** pile where the day started and turning it around, 180 degrees. They took everything that had happened those first three days, the tour ass kicking, and focused it into one of the most energetic and passionate performances I’d ever experienced.

For the record, that group ended fifth in the final rankings, out of 17 other groups, and 8 of the groups they bested had seasons that were 3 weeks longer❀

When you work closely with young humans, care deeply about them, and they know it, amazing things can happenπŸ˜ƒ

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Impulse! The adventure continues…

Impulse is like an unwritten recipe. There are basic ingredients, but the combination and amounts vary depending on the audience. However, every time it happens it excites the senses, beguiles the spirit, and makes your heart soar above, through, and around all kinds of fun and crazy πŸ˜€

– a sudden strong urge or desire to act

– a driving or motivating force

– a pulse of electrical energy

– a force acting briefly on a body and producing a finite change of momentum.

Impulse is a drum and bugle corps, but, Impulse is also much more. The experience of being a part of Impulse is, has been, and always will be, beyond just being in a drum and bugle corps. Those who have represented Impulse over the years are an incredibly accomplished, unique, and diverse group of young humans, whose bonds become stronger every year, and I love each and everyone of them ❀

Impulse is a place where adolescents will find a place to help them ease into the final and painful transitional process of becoming an adult. Impulse is an organization that welcomes young people in pursuit of a world class performing arts experience. For those ready for the challenge, it provides an opportunity to learn, explore, grow, and be creative in developing who they are as individuals, in a safe group setting. The membership looks out for each other, and helps and supports each other; both individually and collectively, under the guidance of highly qualified instructors πŸ˜€

This is a monumental task for all involved. Sometimes the process is messy. Give me messy; in that mess living art is born through experiences that will become lifelong memories, and in that process, the lives of all involved become enriched. Impulse gives young people the space and opportunity to grow, love, and create a new and stronger sense of themselves, who they are, and what they believe.

Impulse fosters generous opportunities for all to be a part of a great organization that supports and encourages all aspects of music education. 

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